prelude

Using RPG Maker VX and resources from RPG Maker XP, I made a game I can best describe as an adventure visual novel. I concentrated mainly on writing and originality. You won’t be impressed by graphics or cool gameplay. It’s not an rpg nor an action game. It’s more a light, witty, thoughtful, unconventional game. Gameplay is unique. It involves figuring out what’s going on, and how to advance. It will take about 4 hours to finish.

Ahead of him lay 7 trials, each in a different world. For example, the first one is the Bridge of Death, where the other side of the bridge is unknown because you’ll die when you cross. Actually, that’s all I want to say about the story. Go play and find out for yourself.

Link to download here.

Instructions: unzip file, open folder and look for the .exe, say yes for extract, open the new folder, click the knight chess piece icon.
F1 if you want to toggle between fullscreen and window screen.

Credit to Enterbrain for RPG Maker VX and XP, and “Mack” for Mack tilesets.

Please do give me feedback, be critical, be positive, be negative, anything’s ok. If you find bugs let me know. But if you’re stuck, first try using the “wisdom nut”, the built-in FAQ. It’s not meant to be used unless you’re going to consult a walkthrough anyways. If you have any questions about the game or anything, ask me too. Comment on this post, or email me zx2004@gmail.com or facebook Larry Xiang (Ziwei).

Lately I’ve been really iffy with the electronic medium. Sure, you can express meaningful and entertaining thoughts on a blog or in a game, but ultimately the real change is in the real world. There, you are truly working with people. And words I believe are meant to be fluid. What I say today may not apply tomorrow. My words could lead to something I didn’t intend. And truth is not found in words. Or movies and games. So I’m considering taking a break from blogging to see what I can find in the real world. Of course, I’ve always been taking long breaks. This time I’m just telling you about it haha.

religion

We’re all familiar with the bad aspects of religion: conflict and division of mankind, wasted energy and efforts, general weirdness, and disturbing acts and practices. There are a few good aspects too, but the biggest one doesn’t have to do with religion or specific religions at all. In fact, I want to distance myself from that concept and describe a new meaning: the determining, wondering, and seeking for the answers of our life and universe. To engage with the world beyond this world and to ponder and live the story we cannot see. I don’t know another name for it, so I’ll code name it universal truth storytelling for the sake of this post.

Universal truth storytelling is different from religion because it’s an intrinsic human inclination and how we act upon it. We seek the unseen truth and the tale of our universe. It’s not just a story either because many things are connected to it: love, conflict, loss, philosophy, truth, people, the past, the future, purpose, what life’s about, how it’s done. It’s what’s unwaveringly painted into novels, adventures, legends, movies, games, stories, come to real life. Because I believe our universe is like that. As silly as it sounds, life is a story so great we don’t even begin to comprehend it. You may look around you and tell me there’s just a consistent, atomic, physical universe. But that’s what makes the truth what it is: hidden and unattainable.

So how do major religions interpret it (with simplification and possible misrepresentation)?

Judaism In a perfect garden men faltered. Through one man’s descendant’s seed came a priest nation that was supposed to lead the world to the one true Elohim. “Commandments” is a rough translation because the actual meaning is something you have to honor of following, not something forced upon you. Non-moral laws served to distinguish Jews from others, remind them of the LORD, and keep the society intact and healthy. One day the messiah will deliver the world from evil.

Christianity When the priest nation failed The Holy One out of love for humanity sent himself as a man to die for and save us from the sins that will drag us to hell. Live a righteous life, but be unbound from laws and rituals. One day when the evil of the world is exceedingly great it will be judged and destroyed. The chosen ones to be saved will live a new life on a new earth.

Islam To correct idolaters and Christians, Allah is one. Life is a test and in the judgement everyone will be evaluated based on their life here. A set of laws and rituals are once again given to keep man close to Allah and to keep human desires from going out of control. Many prophets have been sent before, and these are well-liked and respected men who lived the example of righteousness.

Hindu Life is a neverending cycle where you choose where you want to be. How you live determines your future lives. The universe is in a balance of creation, destruction, and balance. The 3 highest Beings, which are one, represent these 3 parts. Rituals and regulations have been removed as to respect life, live righteously, and seek higher wisdom is a personal choice with personal implications.

To me, the two worse ways to live life is in materialistic atheism or religious legalism. To deny your immaterial consciousness and your desire to seek universal truth storytelling is to deny a fair part of your humanity. It’s like saying you’ll embrace every good thing in life, but refrain from romance and love. It’s doable, but (unless you have a good reason) makes no sense. On the other hand, to misinterpret and follow your religion in an unintended manner makes your own life and possibly lives around you miserable and confused. You think you’re devout, but you’ve abandoned the original intention of your “beliefs”. Just think of Christianity and the church in the past and Islamic extremists now for clear examples.

I’m not saying this or that religion is true or not, and I’m not making any presumptions about God. I’m not encouraging people to be religious either. These are just my contemplations on religion. However, universal truth storytelling, to live as if there were something beyond physical-visual existence, I believe to be the valid human pursuit of truth.

the irrefutable desire

note: bah I’ve edited this too many times. Maybe it’s best not to write on this topic. If this doesn’t apply to you please skip.

The problem

There are a lot of girls that are pretty and have good personality.

Marriage

To me, this is the answer. It’s the most satisfying and healthy way. It makes the most sense. Even those reasons aside, marriage is temporary. I don’t think we’re gonna “be together forever”. I don’t know what will come down after death, but marriage seems to be something of this life. And because life is short it’s perfectly suited for going in depth with one woman. Then the question is who? And is there a Mr/Mrs Right? Hopefully by being lonely yet patient we’ll achieve the balance.

The great battle

The irrefutable desire is natural and good, but in the body of man, it becomes a powerful beast. So why not consider it a noble struggle to this tame this beast, a struggle given to the real men of the world? To give in is essentially selfish pride. It doesn’t benefit the girls and puts off other guys. And who is truly free? The one who does whatever he “wants”, or the one who is free to wait? Before contraception, sex was the intricate, almost sacred gift given from above to continue life. When sex is disconnected from the springing of new life in a relationship it becomes a dirty act. This is even more so when romance and love is also disconnected.

The bigger picture

I don’t have the hindsight of age, but I assume that a wise old man would look back into all this and see it in proper perspective. Sex isn’t everything. Our humanity goes much farther.

With delicate subjects like lust, religion, and death we writers must take care in how we speak of it. I hope I’ve done that much, please excuse all else.

random thoughts

I’ve had many thoughts lately, so I’m gonna try and get them down before they evaporate and become a part of my mind.

Humans are the only species that can be dead on the outside, but alive on the inside. We can live mundane lives where we simply go through the motions, yet be alive in our mind. Whether it be art, imagination, philosophy, intellect, humour, contemplation, or pure unbridled optimism and joy. Which leads to…

A theme of this blog is the pursuit of the natural high. Sure weed can get you high, but the truly noble, real, and worthy high is natural. You don’t need money, you don’t need funny shaped leaves, you don’t need brain harming.

Uncertainty. To know is joy, but to be unable to fully truly know is greater joy. Because it’s the unknown that makes the world greater and bigger than we can imagine. A world that always has unsolved questions and surprises, and that turns our paradigms upside down from time to time is a world I want to live in. It’s more than I can understand or “confirm” and define with human standards of thought. A big example is…

Death. It brings to an end something that’s transient. It’s the beginning of a new world. Will I be in a different …realm? Will the curtains of this present world be drawn away, so I can understand everything I didn’t while I was alive in this world? Or will I experience nothing? To me continual sustained maintained existence is less beautiful than passing, fleeting, beauty. Here today, but the wind has taken it tomorrow. However, I am only referring to natural death, because…

Life is beautiful. I’ve said it before, but life is a short blessing that we could have not even had in the first place. Once you see it as a chance, a playground, a beautiful phenomenon, you’ll want to live it more fully and courageously. It’s so open… it’s like earth is symbolic. The open sky is a metaphor for the open possibilities of life.

Character and suffering go hand in hand. Suffering brings out the beauty of character. To persist in the face of evil is a great good. “When you suffer, be happy.” In the midst of darkness the soul is given the chance to be illuminated. Like one man standing up to a tsunami, and a flower blooming in the ruined wasteland. Yet the struggle is not without reason…

The epic story. Every epic tale we’ve heard, watched, read, played, may be happening right now. Why do these tales exist other than to reflect something in our collective memory, or mission? We don’t know what came before, and we don’t know what comes after. Unbeknown to us, we could be a part of a bigger thing we can’t even imagine.

It is a rare experience when you become human with another human. I said it recently on fb, but the connection can happen through deep conversation about the Higher ONE, life, relationships, global matters. It’s a kind of feeling blocked by politeness and animosity, but in the rare times it happens we realize more of our humanity and who we are. But this is only one type of being human with other humans…

Because of course, girls (or vice versa if you’re a girl). It’s a terrible evil to see them as sexual objects, because the full, intended, original relationship is so much more. It’s a big topic, but not much left to say for now.

Looking back, I apologize if this post sounded prescriptive or factly. And also, I don’t mean to say death, suffering, etc. are good things, just that their context in this life and how we handle them can be beautiful or character-invoking.

the end of profit

I’ve always thought profit over people was a great evil and contributed to much of society’s poverty, spiritual dissatisfaction, and rigid narrow-minded lifestyle. But then, I thought, perhaps this is an overly-cited oversimplification of the global dilemma. But after this video, maybe it’s less an oversimplification than I once thought.

People do their best work when they’re not motivated by money (and print: given a cognitive or creative task). This makes sense if you think about it. As humans, we’re made for meaningful work like helping the world, getting better at something, exercising our capacity, or cognitive enjoyment. In this way, true liberation once again happens. When we are able to free ourselves from the compelling demand to make more money and have more stuff and material pleasure, we can make room for true meaningful things. To make a difference somewhere or in someone, to challenge our minds or bodies, to experience how deep life goes. That is human.

In south manhattan this sculpture symbolizes the american dream. Fewer and fewer climb toward the top until they realize they've been climbing the wrong ladder.

Then perhaps the ideal business model would be to pay everyone roughly the same (necessary finances needed to live in the area plus a couple thousand), then foster community and purpose in your organization. Why do you exist and why should you grow? If the business cannot answer this question meaningfully then it shouldn’t be. From profit over people let’s POP [People Over Profit] it back the right way. (yes, I had to end on a cheesy liner)

midlife crisis and the afterlife

For the past few weeks I put on the boots of my future self, and walked me to the future where I had a good job and family (the two things at this stage of life that I’m supposed to be attaining). I thought, now that have these things what is life to me? Then I hit it. Mid-life crisis.

Though I wouldn’t prefer to call it that. I see it as a philosophical challenge to confront the tough questions being thrown at you. I call it life slapping you in the face when you thought you had it down.

Life is short. This is incredibly liberating when you take it fully in. It means that you don’t have to fear and live this life cautiously and anxiously. I’ve been blessed with this time, this body, this world, and now I can do whatever with it. In fact, we could redefine “life” to refer to our super-universal story. What do we know about life abruptly ending after death? Very little. No evidence, no certainty. Yet intuitively we know life is grand beyond our earth and our imagination. This short life could be just a segment in our beautiful journey. Sure, there is no certainty here either, but let’s think it over.

Without knowing what comes after death, I will assume I can reach about 80 to 90 years here. Looking at this time my feeling is “short”. 80 to 90 years is very short. So then what do I have to worry about? Should I live a bitter life with no comfort, few pleasures, no fulfillment and none of my goals attained it’s okay. It’s okay. The consequence is like nothing. Let this life be whatever it will be. Yet because it’s so short it frees me to experiment. To pursue whatever goals I want. To be irrationally happy. To take it and play it like I’m in a sandbox. To be relaxed and worry-free.

In the end it leaves us incredibly grateful. I could have had nothing, but the greater forces above which we know little about has blessed us with this chance to live, be free, and be happy. Even suffering tastes sweet. I take it gladly, and know in my mind that unbeknown to me there were universes of life before and after this, and should I be given and blessed again I will the rest of life beyond this one.

a frank discussion of the economy with your host, Frank

What is the most important function of the economy?

No, not GDP growth. Nope, not a strong dollar. Nor meeting supply with demand. The most important function should be to provide meaningful jobs. By meaningful I mean it contributes something worthwhile to the world. Think of how many trashy rap and pop songs you’d weed out of existence if you could. Now think the same for the economy at large.

Frank, do you mean to imply that growth is not important?

I don’t mean to imply, I mean to state empathetic-ally. Growth does mean there is more economic activity. But who is the fool who declares all economic activity is good? Most of it exists simply to drive our rampant consumerism. We are left behind with an unsatisfied emotional-spiritual-relational life and massive environmental damage. We shouldn’t triumph simply because GDP is up. At this rate and with our methods, “economic growth” will kill the planet before the next meteor.

Automation first from machines and now from computers has eliminated many jobs. Yet we need growth to replenish these jobs. How do you resolve this conflict?

While it’s true that growth can resupply jobs, we cannot just keep on growing. HOWEVER, job creation is independent of economic growth. As long as a person can employ himself doing something that is valuable enough to be bought, unemployment rate should theoretically be zero.

This is hardly the situation nowadays Frank!

No doubt. But ask yourself this simple question: given the country’s total wealth and money, should every man, woman, and child be able to have enough to survive at a reasonable standard of living?

Certainly. The problem is in its distribution.

Correct. Now, it wouldn’t be realistic to ask all the haves to kindly share their money and even out the distribution, would it? However, labor needs are also fluid and can be distributed among the job seeking. The question then, is how we can create and distribute jobs without meaninglessly growing the economy.

And that was my next question.

The answer is remarkably simple. Legislate a salary cap. No man can make more than $100,000 a year, whether on single jobs, multiple jobs, personal start-ups, and what not. The maximum amount of money going into any one man’s bank account is $100,000. This simple action addresses several root issues. One is work attitude. People are putting more hours than necessary into their work for the sake of earning more money. They lose family time, and well, their life too. The less overworked individuals clock in, the more labor there is for others to take up. Another is company attitude. Business executives do everything within their power to raise their profits. This includes overworking employees, expecting employees to accomplish too much, and cutting costs by cutting labor needs. Once there is a salary cap, business executives are no longer bound by the rule of profit. They’ve reached their income ceiling long ago. They will be freer to hire more people, give employees reasonable portions of work, and even create departments that may not have been seen as “profitable” before. Perhaps now with the profit-maximizing law out of the picture they will spend for the community, for their employees, for the planet, for good will across the globe.

You can never touch the horizon, but without it we wouldn't look forward.

Well, thank you Frank. It’s been nice having this frank talk with you. I hope all of us have taken something from it. Goodnight America. And sweet dreams.

End-claimer: I’m being frank here when I say quite frankly my name’s not actually Frank.

adult fun

This may be a curious revealing, but the one behind this blog actually exists in the real world. I am not a denizen of the cyberstatic realm nor am I a non-spam robot. I [try to] make friends and hang out too.

As fresh college graduates we stand on the line between childhood and adulthood. And somehow, becoming adults means we give up creativity and play, and take up the art of proper fun. Unfortunately, proper fun is usually non-participatory. For example with eating out, at least people get to chat. Watching a movie we are just all passive. That passiveness and non-activity has to blow up somewhere. Drinking parties are now the adult definition of unrestrained wild fun.

"What will you give in exchange for your diploma?" "My childhood." "Good. You may proceed. NEXT. What will you give in exchange for your diploma?" "4 years of hard work, sweat and tears." "That's not good enough. Everyone gives at least that much. Remove your cap and exit right."

Of course, what I’ve said is not completely true. A lot of older people are having great times with their friends. “Restrained” drinking parties can be fun and safe. And there are non-passive group stuff people do. Basketball, sports, bowling, going to concerts and sports games (kind of passive still), shopping and multi-player video games. But some of these activities are expensive. Some of them are gender dependent. Some of them only appeal to certain people (a good thing if your friend-circle has mutual interests). And some of them just aren’t good enough (sports pumps the blood and they’re fun, but not deeply social or relational).

Somehow in the moment I can never think of stuff we can do together. Adult thinking has trimmed away many possibilities to a few prim and proper ones. Think back as a kid. Nothing was out of question. You took life to its wild and unexplored sides. You were creative.

Make some food: Not everyone is chef, but it’s fun to pretend. Perfect chance for guys to show they can be delicate and effeminate (in a good way). Also, bbqs (cheaper than eating out + outside time). Also, parties where everybody brings something.
Explore some place: Yes we probably all dwell in the suburban complex, but don’t lose hope. Take a walk in the untamed forest area behind those houses, go check out an exotic indian grocery store, or just walk around a place you’ve never been.
Verbal games: Also, deep icebreakers, truth or dare, jeopardy with friends as the categories. Good board games / card games (taboo, cranium, mafia, scattergories (perhaps(?))).
Something stupid: Onion eating contest, strangest costume using household clothes and items, who can climb the tallest tree without falling, make a stupid video…
Rain, snow, outside games: Everything is better in the rain: water balloons, 10 gallon hats, just chilling… Hunter tag (one person is “it” and hides in a park or section of the city while everybody else searches).
Story telling, talking: Given a theme or image, everyone comes up with a sentence or three that will be pieced together into one story. Deep discussion, being fun, creative conversation, inventing dances, and singing too.
Adventure and purpose: Do something. Go on a journey. Climb a mountain or accomplish something. Change something. Help people. Explore the universe. Learn something. Be community together.

The curse of the writer is hypocrisy: he will criticize, suggest, and speak without actually involving himself. So let me step down from the pedestal of ideal ideas and take my own words to my own life. As we age, life doesn’t get old. We do.

the meaning of life, revisited

The cyberdog ate my drafts.

That’s why I didn’t publish anything for a long time. Now let’s hope I can finish this one before he comes back for after-supper appetizers.

After bumming for a while on the wordless couch I thought the best way to spring back and instantly hurdle over the writing block is to address the most [in]famous question “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?”

Actually, there’s something wrong with that question. And I’m not talking about phrasing the question to subtly direct and contain the answer. No, the problem is ALL CAPS. It’s hard to answer a question when you’re intimidated. So let’s try again.

“What is the meaning of life?”

Good. Now there’s another problem. This time, yes, the phrasing of the question assumes:
1. There is a meaning to begin with.
2. The meaning can be contained in one answer.
3. Rules out the possibility of multiple mutually-non-exclusive meanings happening in different contexts.
4. Implies there should be an answer.
5. That the questions can be answered.

Let us try again: “Given our existence and our nature to question the origins and meaning behind that existence, it would greatly satisfy my curiosity if you could offer a response, however disjointed, that deals with my complex inquiry. A definitive, confidant, encompassing explanation is not the object. Please address my humble promptings with liberty and out-of-the-box-creativity.”

This is actually a picture of a cloud. The colors have been flipped. Sky is blue->yellow, cloud is white->purple/black.

Well, ok, we didn’t have to go that far. I’m not trying to get people to speak differently, just to keep in mind that there’s more to a “simple question” than greets the eye. But nonetheless this is what I think:

It’s more important to be concerned with HOW we live this life than WHAT this life is about. And the good thing is that deep inside, we all know how to live this life:
~fully, carefree, happily, to have fun, to be with friends and in community, to make a family, to pursue intellectual and artistic realms, to make the world better, music, dance, eating, sleeping, adventure, recognizing the goodness and inscrutableness of God, laughter, other people, and all things with a dash of love

But “halt!” you say. “That’s easier said than done. The world is imperfect. It’s unfair. Some people are born ugly. Some are born poor. Some are born ignorant/unsmart. There’s pain. There’s grief. There’s oppression. There’s doubt.”

That’s true. But that’s something I know life is: Life is a struggle. It’s a fight. But it’s beautiful because it’s broken and we’re fighting for it. Another thing I know about life is that it’s short. Our woes are temporary. Life is just a piece in the bigger picture.

‘Are you implying there’s an afterlife?’

Kind of. But we don’t really even need to it figure out exactly. Maybe it’s a surprise. Maybe it’s a test. Maybe it’s april fools. Maybe it’s a play. Maybe it’s a good vs evil story. It’s a beautiful mystery and unanswered question that is another part of this life. As people we should take it all in and live. Live in a way respectful to God and humanity: playful, happy, philosophical, purposeful, and good.

‘The readers are intrigued, and would like some concrete elaboration. Care to indulge us?’

Well… LOOK BEHIND YOU the cyberdog is BACK!!! I’d love to stay but i’ve got tO publish wat i have before he eats it . *click*

Is Santa Claus evil?

Hmm I think Coca Cola made this image.

With Christmas comes materialism, deforestation, shiny packaging, relationship tensions… Can it really be? What if Santa Claus is actually the advocate of the economic cycle? Beckoning us to consume so production will also grow. While modern technology brings a handful of sorrows with it, hi-technology is not necessarily bad. The problem is everything is created on such a grand scale. Plus, Santa does seem to have some allegiance with coca cola.

BUT I JUST WANT CHILDREN TO BE HAPPY

That’s what the mother said before she fed him chocolate syrup and fried burgers for dinner.

I DON’T GIVE BAD CHILDREN PRESENTS

And you define good and bad by whether they cry and obey their parents? That’s a passable, but slightly misguided criterion. Maybe you just spoil good children and eventually everyone becomes bad.

YOU WILL RUIN THE HOPES AND DREAMS OF MILLIONS OF CHILDREN

I think the tooth fairy already did that. Children should not base their morality on material things. Besides, at least Thanksgiving emphasizes family.

ROBIN HOOD AND I BOTH GIVE TO THE POOR

Maybe you started out generous to the needy, but eventually the whole concept got corrupted.

THE REINDEER NEED EXERCISE

And we need a good space exploration program. Rudolph Prober VI, mush!

DON’T YOU BELIEVE IN MY JOLLINESS? HO HO HO!

Ah… I wish we could be friends. I don’t deny that you’re a likable person. But what you’re doing is wrong. I feel I should tell you that.

YOU CLAIM TO KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS?

Do you? I’m not clear on the origins, but it’s a long stretch from Birth of Christ to what it is now.

THE NORTH POLE IS MELTING. DON’T YOU FEEL PITY FOR ME?

It’s melting because of our unstoppable quest for energy. And a lot of this energy goes to sustaining the modern lifestyle.

….
phew, he left. The big guy’s actually pretty good at rhetoric. I almost lost my argument several times.

Haha to be honest, I don’t think Santa Claus is evil. He’s a cultural product after all. But the more disturbing question is this: is a healthy economy actually unhealthy for the Earth and our lives? Are recessions actually good things? So what do we do? We need jobs, but these jobs contribute to increasing production and consumption. It’s a vicious cycle, and now maybe even powerful corporates are pawns. Therein may lie the real evil.

I don’t have the answers, but I can still live my life. If Thanksgiving and Christmas is about family, happiness, gratefulness, friends, relaxing, meaning and questions about God, and just having fun, I’m up for it.

Is the internet introverted or extroverted?

And many other questions to start/finish/be-awkwardly-in-the-middle-of your day. The italics are not optional, but should not influence your opinion in any way. Read at leisure.

That’s a tough one. While you can connect with many people online how real is it? How real does it have to be to be considered social? If I was on the internet and someone busted into my room would I feel I need to jump modes?

Does truth make opinions irrelevant?
No comment

Do lions eat people or does hunger?
It depends on how much hunger rules the lion’s will. But then, is predatory-ness evil?

If everybody had a collective mindset is authority necessary?
I don’t know.

The world was once populated by forests. Even in presumable arid areas like the middle east and possibly Sahara. Cutting down trees leads to desertification. I thank you for reading this random insert.
Was it worth losing these trees to gain agriculture and football? Is it desirable, a constant canvas of shade? Or is the savannah the default human preference?

Do you think in words?
Not really. Unless I’m formulating what I want to say beforehand so I don’t stutter and stumble. Or something that’s really difficult to say (I’m sorry for losing your cat. I am obliged to help you search. You can have the first fruit of my apple tree. But I’m sorry not to offer the second apple. You did not tell me your cat could break screen doors. I cannot hold myself fully responsible. Nonetheless, I am in remorseful apology.)

Do people draw from a universal pool or a defined pool? For example do people base their fashion preferences on what is already there and what they’ve already seen, or from an abstract sense of what looks good?
I think it depends on the person.
What’s that? You don’t care what I think?
Well screw you.
What’s that? I’m fat?
Why would you think that?
What’s that? Shut up because your opinions are worth more?
OK enough. Next question.

Is it possible for a business to become corporate but not be evil?
I don’t know. I’d love to try. I don’t believe I can be corrupted …..except that time when I beat someone up over a chocolate brownie.

All things in moderation?
All things fluid and ununiversal. There isn’t any rule or advice that could be imposed on everything. Except maybe its characterization as good, bad, or existing.

It’s a wonderful world. At its fundamentals it’s understood, but fundamentally it’s an intriguing mystery that feeds the curiosity and dreams of many. Its freedom gives us the chance to corrupt and dull it, or eat off its richness and grow its potential. Its sorrow and its fallen nature gives it purpose and tragic beauty. Its transience makes it valuable, refreshing, and makes one wonder what came before and after it. So today is not mundane. Neither was yesterday nor tomorrow.

nostalgia

I remember in Toronto back when I was in elementary school…. we used to have cupcake day November 1st or 2nd. You’d buy a cupcake for a quarter and go out to recess. Once at recess the first snow of the season fell. It was a pretty, gentle snow. The flakes inspired and imbued wonder at the ever-enchanting phenomenon. Contemplation is rare in children, but I and probably others were held in still reflection and excitement while we nibbled away at the cupcakes and ran around the playground.

12 years later in Texas I step outside my car and I am greeted by a cold rain. Wow what a huge difference, but how strangely similar. This time I hurriedly run to class while hugging my backpack against myself. But somehow today is special, or maybe I’m simply charmed by my memories.

advertising portfolio

A convenient place to store some images I made throughout the times.

This is kind of like a logo isn't it?

Too many companies can claim to allow you to see the bigger picture. It's my hope that if I ever do advertising I would promote good companies. But eh, everybody hopes that.

Seems empty and lacking in text somehow...

something I made for my church many years back. The audience was boys' small groups. The right side is the back of the flyer. We only printed black and white.

No offense to apple I actually just needed a generic non-label keyboard.

This one wasn't ever used though.

Yes I recognize and understand that the pattern for most these ads are very similar. One smirky line of text plus company name is only one of many design ideas. But enough self-criticism. It’s your turn.

…
To tell you the truth most of these images…… weren’t originally ads. Most were photography and digital imaging pieces modified to become ads. Hopefully it will demonstrate I’m comfortable with conceptualizing new ideas quickly and creatively given any source material.

life’s strangest dream

I feel it. You feel it. We all know it. It’s as if a single vision has been put in the minds of men. As if their hearts were imbued with the same template for feeling. What am I talking about? I don’t know. But let me try to say.

There once was a world at peace. But we didn’t know much about it. The only thing we’re sure of is that something went wrong. Maybe an evil force. Maybe a deviation. Maybe an accident. Maybe an intentional accident. Then there was a struggle. A battle. It was tragic, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It filled us with purpose and energy. We are not sure how it ended, but good news lay at the end of the tunnel. There was celebration and gladness. It was pure meaning that stemmed from some source we knew not. But we knew it was there for we lived it. We wrote books. We made stories. We made anime. We made games. We wrote music. Everywhere, the dream was looking for a page to express itself. When it couldn’t it lived in the minds of people.

Everything in the world can be explained. The explainability makes the world flat. There is nothing we cannot expect. There is a reason for everything and that reason is clear and logical. It imposes order upon the world. The dream began to fade away. Maybe the dream was made up. By someone. Or someones. And spread. Because people like to copy people. Altruism, love, honor, justice, beauty, sadness, “intuition”, these things “exist” because they help us survive. Life’s a story of survival. And everything is physical. If so nothing is important anymore. We will scrape from the bottom of this empty pot called life and feed ourselves on the meager offerings. My existence is the reason for existence.

But the dream never faded away entirely. It still lingered within the souls of a few. They were not afraid of death for they felt beyond it. No, they didn’t know what lay behind it, but somehow they knew. Maybe life is just a phase. Maybe life is the dream that floats in a realm of magic, defying all around it by being consistent and logical. The earthly boxes that could not contain the most adventurous souls lay within the very box of life and death that defyingly labeled itself “reality”. The laws handed down to us could not hold us down. They knew that color was a physical property, but believed in its true existence because they believed they lived in a color world. They knew that chaos guided the actions of the quantum universe around and within them, but they also believed in their own existence. Not their physical existence, but the existence they could feel and will. She picked up a rock in her hand and realized her feeling made her alive. She knew her organs perceived her surroundings, but she attested she felt the grass the wind the sunshine the clouds instead. Thus she believed she was alive, and she was.

Hopelessness enveloped the world and light escaped from the corners. The few tried to convince everyone else, but it was of no avail. Through ears that are closed they could not be heard. Through shut eyes what they were talking about could not be seen. They were criticized as daydreamers and mystics. But they held on to what they knew as a child. The inexplicable joy and wonder that filled every crack of life and overwhelmed both soul and sense. Then they waited. They waited for the dream to come true. The answer to this question was the final secret this world could keep, and even now it could not be answered…

The tragedy of legacy

I’m unusually suspicious of the notion of permanence, and anything permanent. Recently I created a soccer club at my campus and I well regret it. There already was a plentiful football (I shall refer soccer from now on as its true name. You can’t call me a european elitist because I still live in Texas :p) presence on campus, only informal. With the football club came lots of paperwork, various rules, and responsibilities. Health cards, waivers, CPR certification, and the general sense of elitism/exclusion an outsider would feel. All this I will pass to the next generation of officers. Why do we have to create such complex and imposing systems? Why can’t we just have fun?

I’m sure when Sam Walton created Walmart he was only running on ambition, to create a good business and give cheap prices to the customer. When it became corporate a system was left behind and oppresses people today. The overnight workers labor under the continual demand of work and rules that bound them. Small businesses flunk out. The shoppers internalize a concept of materialism. If he could foresee all this and resist the temptation of money he would have destroyed Walmart or developed it differently.

I suppose an extreme example would be Victor's Frankenstein monster, but the book mixes this theme with others.

~The trash in the dumping sites that felt rising excitement upon its creation, but now languish to pollute the planet.
~Unnecessary religious rules or religious guilt that oppresses followers of that religion.
~The naive leaping exuberance upon the creation of a new nation turned to regretful despair when that nation becomes a despotic monarchy or an inefficient democracy.
~The scholastic system that enforces the value of grades despite tedious, unuseful, or creativity-suppressing material and poor evaluative techniques.

The first time something is created it’s usually fine. But for some reason the need is felt to make it continuously existing, a rock in the river, and it becomes a system. The system has no face. It only orders people to do this and that, and worry about this and that. In my opinion, manmade things should be a phenomenon, not a legacy.

I’m not saying however, all things manmade should be temporary. A beautiful musical composition or artistic creation, thoughtfully made toys, buildings, tables and whatever else, a meaningful relationship as long as you will care for it, and organizations and groups as long as permanence is not intended and rules (directions for the future, aka “in case I’m not there, do this:”) are not laid down and leadership is good. However, we shouldn’t hold even these too tight, so that when they are lost we will embrace life and move on. A mark of life is its transience, the state of ever-changing-ness. And that’s what makes it interesting.

Cherry blossoms are often used at the beginnings of anime to represent change, newness, or the start of a school year(?) (This one's from my favorite, School Rumble). OK you can tell it's getting harder for me to put images whatnot with crediting and relevance. Or maybe my visual steam is running out along with this overactive AC current.

The brilliant nobel peace winning paper

Recently I completed a paper for a philosophy of technology class. Here is the essence of it, without the academic language and awkward essay structure. And no, I’m not a would-be-president like Al Gore, but that doesn’t mean I can’t win nobel peace prizes. OK, I can’t, but what about an A+? ….. Fine I’ll take a B. ……. C? ……. PLEASE, JUST LET ME PASSS!!!!!!!!!

Basically my argument is that somewhere along the way in our history technology was developed that allowed people to create societal systems and structures that dictate their lives. When people get to control their own or other people’s lives, they will mess it up.

Agriculture marks the beginning of civilization
v
v
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Post-industrial technologies + Human nature =
v
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Power and the ability of human beings to control their own lives.
v
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Systems and structures are implanted into society to make it what it is. (Business built around money and profit, materialism, nations and national interest, social anonymity, the yellow brick road of education)
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Environmental decay, unactive lifestyle, unhealthy foods, political repression, and a lifestyle revolved around getting, spending, and loving money.

Even if individuals wanted to change this it would be very difficult because they would have to tackle the structures of society and environment. Not considering politics, the most effective way of fighting back is to buy from businesses that care about people. This means companies that make healthy/responsible products, not urging more and more consumption, good treatment of employees, giving back most profits to the community and global poor. Hopefully then we’ll get that we are all in this together so we should watch out for each other and improve our collective quality of life.

Meanwhile, we can personally focus on connecting with things that make us human: friendship, play, community, purpose and meaning, physical activity, natural food, families and good relationships, adventure and curiosity, rest. Once the entire society has this mentality things will change.

Agriculture began the cycle to civilization by allowing people to build their own societies, or structures of life, instead of using the native natural one.

Of course this is a rather narrow view of modern society that ignores its brilliance, its artistic and intellectual achievement, and etc. Besides, it’s no good to just blame your environment for everything. Hopefully someday I’ll be able to do something good with my life.

My paper builds on ideas from Heidegger and Jared Diamond in “Guns Germs and Steel”. Image from http://www.freeagriculturepics.com/

letters 2

Dear peasant,

My fear is that life passes us unnoticed. The nuances of blooming flowers, swaying trees and windswept ideas go by as the days get longer and time feels shorter. As I see children run and play in the grass I realize it can happen that one perceives only the surface of things. To see but not understand the excitement, joy, and the very appreciation of being alive hidden on another layer beneath. The afternoon rain is but wetness and no longer beauty. Waking up is not a greeting of the day, but being torn onto it from sleep. We become what we do and not what we are. The true virtues and values of life were long ago overridden. In its place is a slew of cares and burdens and standards towards which we strive. The spirit grows weary with age and some of us have found it hard to disregard those worries and emotions of negativity. They found no other choice but to pass the bitterness on to others. We must watch ourselves for when we turn a blind eye toward the inspirations and nuances of life our heart will grow apathetic and bland. Truth is scarce. If you find it, grasp it and do not let go.

Signed,

Your friend from another village

Do you believe in fate?

Do you? Do I?

The ever popular nature-nurture debate rages on in the dubious and naîve field of psychology. But supposing we adjourned disagreement on the exact partition of the involvement of said parties, taken collectively, nature and nurture covers quite a lot of ground (excuse the cumbersome wordiness, or rather take it in a pleasurable context). If “nature” is how our genes and personality formed us and “nurture” is how we are shaped and modified with environment, then isn’t life fated as we have control of neither? My genes have already made me at birth and the rest of my “fate” is decided by upbringing and what happens to me.

bowser: "why do i even try? Fate is the reality i wake up to every morning"

Do I believe in it? No.
But why?
My response, as is with many things, is initially speechless.
…. Ok, I’ve given you a moment. Now respond.
Ok, but only if you’ll listen.

1) Nature is not exclusively genetics.
The essential question here is ‘do you believe in free will?’ (oh no, not another believing question!). If merely the human is a scripted, albeit complex, bot that behaves according to the wiring in the brain and with a feeling soul and consciousness, then perhaps free will is null and fate is true. But somehow, our feelings are heavily disinclined toward this theory. I can consciously feel my freedom, my ability to make choices, to direct my mind and body in the medium of life. It seems to me rather that the body is a biased vessel that tends to tilt or slant people into thinking or perceiving or acting in certain ways, but ultimately relinquishes will or direction to the person or soul. So yes, I also believe in free will.

2) Make note of the distinction between “weak” and “ineffective”.
When it comes to responding to environment, we are weak and helpless, but not totally ineffective and “doomed”. If I grew up in a poor neighborhood my views and opportunities will be shaped accordingly, which makes it unlikely that I “succeed” in upper society. But it does not exclude the possibility. The American society tends to spoil and breed apathy with materialism, the lack of positive problems, and social anonymity. But this doesn’t make everyone who grew up in America spoiled and apathetic.

3) The end is not the means.
What happens at the end of the day is not the most important thing about life. More important is what happened along the way. Even assuming that I was fated to end my life as an overweight angry snapper that successfully started a business and struggled to maintain a marriage with 2 kids, the fact of it is insignificant and perhaps even uninteresting. The meaty part is where I went through that life, the arguments with my wife, the inspiration to dream ideas, bringing up the children, the fight with gluttony, the moments of loss of management of anger. We do not know what will happen and I question what kind of method or insight “fate” will use to determine the future. I say it is impossible. Even so, living life is far more meaningful than knowing the facts of it. In this sense, fate’s existence is unreasonable. If its only purpose is only to hold record like an almanac, then it fails to justify itself in a higher realm kind of significance.

how much HP does Fate have?

4) Fate is not an entity.
We cannot fight Fate visually like Serge does in the picture above (from Chrono Cross). Like many things, it’s a human conception built up from intake of our observable world. We see things happen. We hear and remember things happen in the past. Thus we postulate things will happen in the future in a certain way. Then the concept “fate” is invented. Shortly after the term “fate” is also invented. Of course, saying our conceptions are not real is a slippery slope. What about justice, math, or humor? Humor as the abstract thing exists only as a conception. However, specific instances of humor do exist, like when I laughed at that funny joke. And for the sake of brevity, we’ll leave discussion of the other two for future.

In accordance to the image, if you ever find Fate while wandering the world in your travels, do me a favor and slay it. Then slap yourself for being silly.

Lastly, there are things I believe WILL happen, but I wouldn’t call it fate. For example, population growth and environmental degradation. The inevitable future importance of righteousness and evil.

Images credits: jeuxfrance for the first one, Dragon S Triangle from dipity.com for the second one.

aim games

The following is a revised project that emerged around Valentines a few years back – in anticipation for the coming Valentine’s. For maximum understanding, internal voice acting is advised.

*guy2 connected on*

guy2: brand new evening!

*guy1 connected on*

guy1: hey who are you?
guy2: I don’t know. but it’s before valentine’s. so what are you doing?
guy1: ..wha..what why do you sound so confident? do you have to assume I’m doing something?
guy2: dude I wasn’t implying anything. I don’t have anything do to either. it’s just a holiday
guy1: yeah. so what are you called, john?
guy2: how did you know my name, bob?
guy1: i dunno you have a pretty common name. i’m james btw
john: yeah I love my name
james: wait, actually, call me silversky08C8!
john: sure….silversky08C8
silversky08C8: have you gone out with someone before?
john: no.
silversky08C8: and?
john: and what?
silversky08C8: whatever, here’s an idea. just ask her to a badminton game and while playing accidentally hit the ball into a tree. then offer to go get the ball. then accidentally fall out of the tree in a hurtful way. concerned, she will probably offer to get the ball. while she’s up, get up and quickly climp the tree too. she’ll be really surprised. then say “yes, I just fell. But that is nothing for I fell a different way. I fell in love with you”. and voila you’ve just confessed in a tree
john: (so he’s a fiction writer too…. and long-winded too)
silversky08C8: you know i can read your thoughts even if you type them in (parenthesis)
john: for beginners it’s a birdie, not a ball
silversky08C8: for beginners it’s not polite to correct someone right after they’re done ranting
john:

[3 min have passed]

john: I’m a writer but I’m also a high school student. and you?
silversky08C8: I’m a student also, so I guess that means I answer questions for a living?
silversky08C8: john would call yourself a nerd?
john: if it means someone who’s interested in things most people aren’t, then yes, I am
silversky08C8: wait with that definition I’m a nerd too
john: nerd!
john: since it’s so close to valentine’s, I pose another question
john: complete the sentence in the cheesiest way, “Being close to you…”
silversky08C8: “being close to you is no good as long as I can be even closer”
john: how about this: being close to you is like looking down from the Grand Canyon or flushing a toilet in Australia…you know, that feeling of awe?
silversky08C8: hey! do you have any crushes now?
john: honestly when is a guy not attracted to some girl?
john: but, for your information, there’s someone I want to see if I can hang out with… in a close way.
john: we start with love and friendship. then it turns to love and love.
silversky08C8: that’s your plan?
john: plan? I’m no schemer. but I do need to think up of something to do or say. you know, the first line
silversky08C8: the pick up line
john: no. picking something up means you might drop it also
silversky08C8: true. that’s why you’ll need several
silversky08C8: a pickup line for every pickup truck by a picket fence with a pickpocket’s lock and fresh prepicked pickles!
john: that’s not poetry

*girl connected on*

girl: sayyy, speaking of pickpockets has anyone seen my house keys?
silversky08C8: WHaO! where…?!!
john: No, but since you stole the keys to my heart do you want to use that instead?
silversky08C8: tOO early john!
girl: who are you people. and I already have a boyfriend. I’m thinking of stuff me and him could do tomorrow
john: well miss guest, why don’t you introduce yourself first?
girl: sure I’m cyberspy girl
silversky08C8: well, cyberspy girl, we’re common citizens enjoying a normal evening in a normal conversation in a normal way on normal computers with normal mouses eating normal cheese from normal..
john: Anyway, as helpful citizens we’d like to help you.
silversky08C8: take him to the grand canyon…and australia too!
silversky08C8: …or.. for a more realistic idea, wander away to a wild uncultivated forest/bush area and come upon an open grassy plain and just lie down and talk about clouds…and love.
john: no james it has to challenge the boy and push him to his limits
james: i’m silversky08C8!
john: he’s the one who’s supposed to do the work. he can write you a poem, pour love and energy into a meal for you, clean your room, then serenade you, all in one day
silversky08C8: hmm that’s commitment

[cyberspy girl left to eat a sandwich]

silversky08C8: rats
silversky08C8: you bored her, john!
john: peotry is not for the impatient
silversky08C8:….
silversky08C8: what kind of sandwich do you think it is?
john: there are only 2 types of sandwiches in this world: those made by women and those made by men, and one type doesn’t exist
silversky08C8: wow didn’t know you were sexist
john: wow didn’t know you didn’t know sarcasm
silversky08C8: WOW you’re so bad at making fun of people!
john: WOW I”M SO AMAZING!!!
cyberspy girl: hey i’m back. what were you guys talking about?
silversky08C8: how could you walk away like that?
john: yeah why did you hurt him! guy’s hearts are like thin ice on a melting lake in mid-spring
silversky08C8: don’t listen to him, he’s being “sarcastic”
silversky08C: so like this guy you like, who is he
cyberspy girl: you think I would tell you? but just to play your nose his name begins with an “m”
silversky08C: (hmm… mario, michael, mystery, mario, michelangelo, mario, mario)
silversky08C: hey is it mario?
cyberspy girl: how did you guess his name?
silversky08C8: hehheh, it’s called …. intuition
john: it’s called …. creep
silversky08C8: shut up!
john: you shut up loser!
silversky08C8: stop it! it’s hard to detect sarcasm with just text
john: that’s why i wasn’t being sarcastic (lol)
cyberspy girl: i was. i wouldn’t let creeps get on his back because i told his name
silversky08C8: were not creeps
john: ^ that sarcasm almost sounded real
silversky08C8: shut up!
john: you shut up loser!
cyberspy girl: so are you guys gonna ramble, or should i just go get another sandwich?
john: a sandwich for me, sure. for yourself, if you want to get fat
silversky08C8: he’s mean!!!1!!1!
cyberspy girl: i understand sarcasm unlike you
silversky08C8: i hope you were being sarcastic
cyberspy girl: i was.
cyberspy girl: just to apologize for the confusion i’ll tell you who my boyfriend is.
cyberspy girl: his name is james. he doesn’t understand sarcasm, he’s really immature and he creeps me out. so this valentine’s I want to dump him
silversky08C8: hey you’re even meaner!!1!
cyberspy girl: that’s right, james, my dear captain obvious
john: I do have some dumping lines
john: like this: “change is good”
silversky08C8: hhhe?
john: “go home”
john: “well, this is my bus stop”
cyberspy girl: that’s weird, but how about something longer?
john: i like to keep them simple. but just for you:
john: You are like an empty tissue box. When I got close to you I realized you were hollow.
cyberspy girl: hey james! because i was so mean i’ll let you hit on me
silversky08C8: (hmm, she jokes way too much I can’t even tell, but she seems serious?)
silversky08C8: umm, I was just wondering, since you’ve still got time on valentine’s…
john: (pss, james, that’s an assumption)
silversky08C8: and since we’ve got so much in common…
john: (well I guess you’re both human…. wait, you’re not an alien, are you, james?)
silversky08C8: let’s go eat carrots together while watching the clouds and talking about life
john: (so you’re a rabbit alien, huh james?)
cyberspy girl: oh but how can I see into your heart if you love me if you care for me if I would be the last thing in this world you would leave?
silversky08C8: because…. (hmm…this is where guys usually fail, putting up some sweet talk and shallow lies. It’s about time and love. Time and love!)
john: (hey james, are you hesitating? so the intentions of your heart were not so pure after all…at least you’re honest)
silversky08C8: I”M silversky08C8!!!!! people stop calling me james!!!!!!!!!!
cyperspy girl: really? that’s all? that’s what you’re gonna say?
silversky08C8: aww go easy on me sis, my heart is soft as fine china
john: (hey james,
john: 1. fine china is not soft, did you mean to say fragile?
john: 2. ever heard of “a bull in the china shop”?
john: 3. reset your expectations before it’s too late!)
cyperspy girl: sure bro, since we can’t be couples you’re trying to make us siblings now?
cyperspy girl: change is good
silversky08C8: OUAAWHHHH!!!!!
cyberspy girl: oh, by the way, luke, I am your sister
silversky08C8: you’re just making fun of me now
john: (hey james, you’re supposed to say “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”)
silversky08C8: I can’t think anymore
cyberspy girl: and john, I have something to say to you too:
cyberspy girl: it seems this is my bus stop. Go Home

*cyberspy girl got off*

john: actually, if it’s your bus stop you’re the one who’s going home. oh well, interesting to see my lines used against me

*cyberspy girl connected on*

cyberspy girl: hehe it’s been interesting. james i love you and john you’re quite poetic. maybe we would be good friends outside (that’s what I call the real world). but really I have to go now, ta

*cyberspy girl got off*

silversky08C8: i hate duplicitous sarcasm
john: or actually you mean to say you love it
silversky08C8: *stretches* well, I think I’m gonna go stretch a bit
john: you just did. but nonetheless, have fun
silversky08C8: ok. and good luck with your thing
john: oh you mean that girl I was wanting to get to know?
silversky08C8: I mean your poetry, that needs greater help, heheh
john: haha, I’ll take your tips any day
silversky08C8: discoursing with you, any day is good

*silversky08C got off*

john: and thus the trio broke asunder…

*john got off*

my comrade

Dear comrade,

How are the fish? We’ve been exchanging emails so often that I decided to catch you off guard by writing a letter instead. And why? Because I have this exciting new thing to talk about! This energy course I took at college 2 years ago!!!!!!!!1 It was really fun! And interesting! The first day we had a full class, but less and less people were showing up until we got down to 3 people, including ME! We got to listen to the prof talk. Sometimes we even did discussion if we weren’t too apathetic. He talked about solar energy, coal, gas, wind, nuclear, but mostly nuclear energy. He told us not to blow the world up with nuclear bombs. We are the future and we should be the leaders of our world. He was really old but wise, and could write with both hands! I loved his accent, I thought it was European, but he was from Hungary. All we had to do for the class was write a 5-10 page paper about the future of energy. I wrote about poverty, the world, the universe, energy, life, and everything! It was a great class. Please take it if you ever go to my university. And also feel free to visit me also.

[best] regards,
Sincerely,
Best wishes,
Happy dreams,
Your comrade

Ps. My fish are doing great. My goldfish is turning green so I feel like renaming it vertfish.